After the Dark
by ElSharzo
Summary: After Harry Potter turns too the darkside, and is killed by the Aurors of the Anti-progastinating-teen squad, The ministry of Magic gives the reign of Hogwarts too Voldemort, too satisfy his desires, however they do not know that the Sue Hunter is hot on
1. Chapter One & Two

**After The Dark**

**Prologue:**

**Harry Potter, after have a teenage temper tantrum, was shot down by several aurors, after figuring out that Voldemort could not be killed they simply gave him Hogwarts too do with as he please, but one man, with a cheesey Van Helsing Halloween costume and a dream, is now making a difference, he is the Mary Sue Hunter, and this is his story, plus several other sub-plots too keep you interested as TV is a hard commodity too fight**

**Chapter One**

The tall hooded figure walked across dumbledore's former office, slowly drawing his wand from his cloak

"No please" squealed the girl, tied to the chair and struggling as if it would make a difference

All the portraits fell silent, as the forbidden curse slipped out of the mans mouth

"Avada Kedava" screamed the man, promptly causing his hood to fall off.

Voldemort looked proud of himself as he nimbly walked over and prodded Hermione Grangers now deceased head

"W00T WOOT one shot kill, who da man, who da man, voldies da man!"

Caught up in his euphoric state voldemort dropped his traveling cloak to the ground and flung his arms and body around in a most un-dignified fashion

"Give me a V, Give me an O, give me a L." sang Voldemort, but was abruptly but off by the figure that had came through the entrance of the office without being seen. Somehow

"So, Lord Voldemort interesting pastime you have here" said the Sue Hunter extraordinaire

"Wait a second, I'm getting one of those brain transmissions to talk to the readers without any regard for your time" said Voldemort sneering as hard as he could

"Oh bother go ahead" sighed the Sue Hunter

"Curcio!... Hahahah, Got you, like I'm going to fill in the plot points for this crappy author" yelled Voldemort as the Sue Hunter writhed on the floor in agony

"Ouch, God your a prick, Like that even hurt me" said the Sue hunter, putting on his poker face

Voldemort Sneered the sneer of sneers at this, he sneered hard and fast, he summoned all his face muscles and made a sneer that Sylithar Sytherin would be proud off

" _So what if I'm on the ground, I like it down here, kind of has this all naturale feel about it don't you reckon?"_

_Voldemort scrunched up his face, never before had anyone stood up too his crucio attack, "Die Hippy" screamed Voldemort as he pointed his want and let out a blast of Avada Kedava, but for the second time in wizarding history, and too Voldemort, the spell backfired, sending Voldemort flying through the air._

_The Sue hunter got up, looking smug under his black cloak and tipped his wide brimmed hat too Voldemort as he walked out whistling the theme of M.A.S.H_

"how, how did this happen, I get too be half dead again right?" gasped Voldemort

"_Afraid not, only one half life, and if I told you why the spell rebounded that wouldn't make much off a story now would it Voldie ole pal?" said the Sue Hunter, obviously trying to pull some cheapass James Bond humor_

_Voldemort summoned up his last breath and let his last words escape his mouth, "damn you, hippy"_

_The Sue Hunter then continued too put his mark onto Voldemort's body, even though the entire wizarding world knows and fears the Sue Hunter_

_But not his mark_

El Suehuntero 

The mark was however voted cheesiest villain award three years running, it has been nominated for best super villain mark at the Latin Villain Awards.

**Chapter Two**

**Outside Hogwarts**

**0900 Hours **

**(Go the Metric system!)**

Ron ran out down the stairs too Harry and Hermoine

"Oh my god you guys, Voldemort just killed Hermione… Hey wait a second, you two are supposed too be dead"

"Naa ah, maybe this is one of those flashback things that the author does" said Harry as all three characters looked towards the sky for the author's godly answer

"No can do, your both dead" came the answer from the skies.

"I read the introduction! Both of you are dead" yelled Ron

"Oh Bother" said Hermione as she dropped dead whilst Harry was beemed up by a Vulcan ship that flew away leaving Ron standing alone

"now that's more like it, now back too it" turning around and running towards a wall "Oh my god, listen up you bricks, Voldemort just killed Hermione, and then the Sue Hunter killed Voldemort, I'm going too go home to my house and eat all the rats we can afford" Ron yelled as he slowly jogged away too another wall too spread the news.

Mean while, the wizard elections took place, The worried Conilius Fudge sat at his table and looked at the official figures.

"As you can see Mr Fudge, all Mugglenet and J. polls indicate that you will loose the election" said Albus Dumbledore, sitting in one of his trademark Crazy-old-grandpa sitting chairs and double checking the latest figures from various polls

"Damn that Sirius black, He should be dead not running against me!" yelled Cornelius Fudge, sending shock through his staff, one of his more bright staff, Percy Weasley quickly and quietly whispered too Fudge

"Sir, The Fifth book hasn't been released hear yet"

"Oh, thanks for that" replied Fudge

"This Sue Hunter thing is really blowing up in our faces people, what do we do, were losing the support off the good Dark Magic Lobbyist, Draco Malfoy is bringing smaller bags off money"

"Hrmm, well being the wise old guy who really hates your arrogance, I suggest that you commit suicide , Oh did I mention that you dress like a Jigalo and smell like a toilet? No? well now you know" said Albus Dumbledore as he pointed his wand at himself and disappeared

"Okay any other ideas?" asked Cornelius

"How about capturing the Sue Hunter and dressing like a human being?" asked Percy

"Sounds Great, but about that Human Being part? Aren't you supposed too be the butt kiss, So stop dissing me, I'm insecure and need a hug" moped Cornelius as J.K Rowling desperately tried too bring up his ratings in further books.

As they talked a Van Helsing-like creature approached the Office of Cornelius Fudge, Percy being the token character in the room noticed it first , "It's the Sue Hunter, Run boys!" as everyone in the room scattered the figure raised his hat revealing Sirius Black

"Why does that keep happening" sulked Sirius Black


	2. Chapter Three The Weasel Queen

**Chapter Three- The Weasel Queen**

"Oi, all you red headed kids, lunch is ready" screamed Mrs. Weasley, a daily occurrence, usually followed by a rush of Weasley children

"Mum! we've had rats for lunch for three days in a row, how come we never get rabbit meat anymore, I'm not eating this" said Ron, in increasing volume.

"Not even if I satay it with a little mud?" asked Mrs. Weasley tactfully, Ron's eyes lit up at the idea of satayed rats, giving Mrs, Weasley all the confirmation she needed

By the end of the negotiations, all of the Weasley children were at the table, George and Fred were the last too sit down, seeing as they had too carry their Quiditch clubs everywhere now

'Duhh I've got wit' said Fred 'duhhh me too!' replied George, as they began too club each other over the head, feeling nothing really, because they'd already lost the majority of their Brain Cells after swallowing their thermometers, several times.

Through the banging off heads with clubs, The smallest weasley, Ginny started her normal tantrum 'But I want too be a Goth!' screamed Ginny, only too get the same reply from her mum 'Not until your 16, now eat your rats before they run away'.

Ginny took her rats and went too her room in a fit off rage as Fred and George continued too club each other

'It's not fair, every time I want too become a Goth, mum never lets me' wined Ginny as she continued too read her book of evil spells. 'Damn it's got too be in here somewhere' yelled Ginny throwing the book at the floor. 'How will I ever bring Harry back from the dead without that spell' sniffed Ginny as she went through all the possible scenarios to get the spell. Grimly she came too the conclusion, the only living person who new how too do the spell is Peter Petrigrew, who, however unfortunately, is serving three life sentences for the molestation off Ron Weasley, in his rat form.

Ginny walked over too the window and looked towards the sky, where the author resided

'God you're a bastard' Ginny yelled at the sky, trying too be artistic, her only reply was a cloud, flicking her off. Ginny slowly started packing her things, knowing what had too be done, but was disturbed by a loud bang made by the door, which could only mean her father was home.

Mr. Weasley straggled into the house, he wore a heavy trench coat over his normal work cloths, and he seemed extraordinarily pleased with himself.

As he opened up his coat, Matrix style off coarse, hundreds of stationary items ranging from staplers too pens and pencils fell from his trench coat

'Office raid, Molly, I got a mighty haul of pencils' said Mr. Weasley, looking extraordinarily proud of himself

'Duhhh Hi Dad' said George, Mr. Weasley replied 'Hi George' cause an outbreak of laughter, 'haaaah, No I'm Fred', 'Whatever dude like I give a shit' said Mr. Weasley, turning on the TV. 'Duhhh we tricked you ahahaha' George and Fred said in unison.

'Author, when did the magical world get TVs, what ever happened too owls and all that?' asked Molly as she marinated some rocks

'shhh, not so loud, the readers might hear' said Mr. Weasley turning back too WNBC, 'as you can see, Cornelius Fudge has declared martial law only 10 days before wizarding elections, he blames this on the Sue Hunter epidemic' Mr. Weasley switched off the TV in disgust, then put the remote back on top of the TV in disgust

'How can they do this too us, wizarding elections are the only time when people can legally bribe us, and I was looking forward too voting Sirius Black, hardened jail-birds always have the best policies' Mr.Weasley's rant was cut short by Ginny yelling down the stairs, laddened with baggage of her essentials, 'Hey everyone I'm going out for a bit, I'll see you all at Hogwarts!' Mr. Weasley replied in a equally loud holler 'Take your time, enjoy the sites!'


End file.
